The Unicorn Card … A Roller Coast of Emotion and Gramatical Errors

I’ve never been a huge card giver. I’m more like a dude when it comes to giving cards. I would rather take you out for happy hour, or write a quick thank you on a post-it note.

That’s why when I went through a spell of getting cards from guys, it boggled my mind.

I had met a guy who was very sweet, but it was never going to turn into a long term relationship. We dated for a very brief time, and one night he told me out of the blue that he couldn’t give me what I wanted, and he left my place. It was midnight on a Monday night, and what I had wanted was for him to leave, so he actually did give me what I had wanted. As soon as I heard the door close behind him, I leapt up, locked the front door, and made sure that all of my windows were locked. Note: I don’t think that it’s a good sign when you double check that your windows are locked after a guy that you’re dating leaves because you’re scared that he will peak inside or try to crawl through it. But I could be wrong. This isn’t a relationship advice column after all.

I figured that was the end of it, and went to sleep. Weeks went by, and then one night I decided to watch The Conjuring. I had heard that it was scary so I watched it at 8pm with all of my lights on. All of a sudden I heard a knock at the door. I obviously assumed that a demon was at my door, so I ignored it. About ten minutes later I peaked outside, and found a bottle of wine…and my first card. It was from the guy who couldn’t give me what I needed yet did give me what I needed, and he had driven down from his home in LA (about an hour north of Long Beach where I lived), to drop off wine and a card, unannounced. It’s not like I was dating anyone else seriously, but what if I had a guy over? I was upset. And what made it worse was that he had gotten me White Zinfadel. I’m a Chardonnay girl…did he not know me at all? I could take that he wore loafers without socks, and even that he yelled “yay!” when he came. But White Zin was pushing it.

The card was nice, and he wished me luck on our pod cast (The White Wine True Crime pod cast has been in the works for awhile). The sentiment was sweet and sincere, and I made a mental note to forgive him as I regifted the wine.

As the weeks went on, every so often I would open my front door in the morning to find a bottle of wine and a card on my door step. It was like Christmas, or being part of a wine club that I had never enrolled in. The cards were sweet, and sometimes he would leave a single rose on my doorstep too.

One night I had a comedy show up in Burbank. As I was standing at the bar, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was him. We made small talk, and then I saw him leave the club. About fifteen minutes later he reappeared, and tossed a card my way.

“Read it later,” he said.

Naturally I went into the bathroom and opened the card right up. Rose petals fell all over the floor. I scrambled to pick them up and read the card at the same time.

Unicorn Front

 

The contents of the card started off sweetly. And then came the emotional donkey punch (see below). I pictured him standing in the corner liquor store, mashing up a rose into the card, and thinking “this will get her back” as he went on to write what he wanted to do to my body, which I don’t even think the ending is physically possible.

Later that night, he sent me a picture of his bed lit up by candlelight with rose petals strewn across his comforter. I never went over. I imagined him dejectedly sighing as he swept the rose petals into a nearby trash can and blew out the candles.

Months went by, and I hadn’t heard from him. It was summertime, and now my birthday. I came home from work…and saw a card and a bottle of wine on my front porch. My heart started pounding, and I started sweating profusely. Is this how Brad Pitt felt as he approached the box with Gwyneth Paltrow’s head inside in the movie Seven?

I opened the card…and it was from my new neighbor. I didn’t know him very well. We had exchanged a few flirty texts, but after he told me that he really liked tea, and had taken a one-year class studying teas, I quickly lost interest. In the last text that he sent, he asked if I wanted to hang out. I said no because I had been out drinking the night before, and all I wanted to do was curl up with a bowl of chicken nachos. He wrote back “I’ve got cookies,” which might lure a pack of 8-year olds into your cargo van, but was not going to work on me…unless they’re chocolate chip. But I digress.

I mean, what are the chances that two different guys would both leave cards and wine on my door step? It’s like a comet that comes by once every 82 years…or just one very weird 2014.

Unicorn Inside

254 thoughts on “The Unicorn Card … A Roller Coast of Emotion and Gramatical Errors

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  11. Since my work schedule doesn’t really allow for easy snacking, (I’m an RN) I usually end up just eating one snack a day between 2 and 3 pm to get me to dinner without becoming a crazy woman and consuming ungodly amounts of junk. I usually go with fresh fruit and nut butter. And maybe a piece of chocolate sneaks it’s way in once in a while

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  13. A lot of children will miss the opportunity of hearing a President speak specifically to them. I somehow think that the right stirred up the controversy along with Van Jones to keep cover for Beck & company. I think so many are buying into crap that Obama is a sleeper candidate. For whom, it is hard to tell; Al Queada, Lenin and Trotsky, Hitler and Goering, or Chairman Mau. It is easier to think that, than to admit they are not ready for a black man to be POTUS.

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  15. You know, Maria, the Palestinians would have had their own state a long time ago if they did two simple things: acknowledge the right of Israel to exist and renounce violence against their Jewish neighbors. Unfortunately they aren’t willing to do that. Whose fault is that again?

  16. And I expect he’ll have to explain what he was doing in the car with Michele Brown.It’s a good thing his wife and kids were with him.The Christie campaign is dying the death of a thousand cuts.Like Humpty Dumpty, all the campaign managers and political advisors can’t put this campaign back together again.

  17. My boyfriend calls me at work every day and asks, “what time will you be home?”The problem is that I don’t have a different work schedule every day! I am consistently off work at 5 pm and home by 5:30 at the latest. Every. Night. For the two years he’s known me. But still, every day, “What time will you be home?” I’ll admit it’s slightly cute. But mostly, it’s just annoying.

  18. Hi Anna forgiveness is a strange thing – I’m not sure if it’s an action or a state of mind. When I read your comment my first thought was ‘which person is not learning from previous mistakes’? How do you know they are mistakes? What would happen if you separated the behaviour from the person? What really is the point in your forgiveness of this person?

  19. it actually validates her ideas, by showing what happens when people don’t follow her version of capitalism to”The aging Communists who gather every May Day on a corner in Tompkins Square Park to sing the Internationale would say the same thing about Lenin. True Marxist-Leninism remains untried.”She was as much a Utopian as Marx.”And that is precisely the problem with both.

  20. ..ET bien non, c’est Kohly qui gagne le 3ème tie break ! Et facilement 7-1…C’est mal barré pour Haas qui aura juste l’avantage de servir en premier, mais cela risque de ne pas être suffisant…Il doit s’en vouloir d’avoir perdu le deuxième set alors qu’il a eu une balle de deux sets à zéro sur son service dans le tie break et qu’il a fallu attendre le début du 4ème pour que Kohly voit l’ombre d’une balle de break…

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  27. When people in Congress refuse to do their job that they were elected to do then they should be REMOVED immediately. If it means REMOVING the entire Senate then SO BE IT let the buttholes walk for awhile. Or the option is to fine each and everyone of them $10,000.00 per day. Sooner or later this or outright removal will have to happen,if they continue to ignore the Constitutional emergency.

  28. Muito interessante uma entrevista, que foi hoje,na tvi24(vi pela primeira vez) ao prof. Sobrinho Simões, um ematologista investigador. É este tipo de pessoas que muitos de nós devíamos ouvir mais vezes. É deste tipo de pessoas que Portugal precisa em lugares de planeamento e decisão.

  29. Lurved Sean's presentation of the food – it all looked delightful! Hmm….must try cooking savoy cabbage that way…The show sounds wonderful – food always gives such an insight into people's customs and culture.Look forward to finding out more about Sean, having eaten at Astral a few times now.

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  35. I have once heard of a pub quiz in our town.Never been there but people say it is fun. Maybe you got a pub like this as well?And what about karaoke? If you like singing you can go to a karaoke bar which has on open stage so you don’t have to pay for a special booth. Furthermore it’ so fun to see and hear people perform.

  36. toujours préféré le cinglant:« Amoureux et jaloux de la liberté humaine, et la considérant comme la condition absolue de tout ce que nous adorons et respectons dans l’humanité, je retourne la phrase de Voltaire, et je dis : Si Dieu existait réellement, il faudrait l’abolir. »(Mikhaïl Bakounine / 1814-1876 / Dieu et l’État / 1882)

  37. Qui a fait politique contre le programme PS ? Qui a matraqué les arguments que ce serait l’Espagne ou la Grèce (oubliant soigneusement les exemples anglais et italien) ? Qui a joué la caricature pour dire qu’il était le mieux ?Au lieu de râler, peut être se demander pourquoi un tel déchainement à son encontre. Ce n’est pas toujours la faute des autres, parfois, un bon miroir permet de trouver l’une des causes, si ce n’est la cause des causes.

  38. I love the way you capture movement in this piece–not just of the creature itself, but the darting of Bob’s thoughts from one place to another. I feel so much dread and worry as I read this. Your decision to not show the creature is so much more powerful than if you did. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. I can’t wait to read more of your work.

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  67. PS — Today Michaela went to Chuck E Cheese with a couple of friends to celebrate her birthday (albeit a little bit late), and I asked sort of nonchalantly wouldn’t everyone rather go to Goodwill and shop all afternoon. You should have heard the screams of NOOOOOOOO and MOM!!!I think I know what you mean about the shopping stuff.

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  69. "But this time tends to infinite in large populations. It's like flipping coins. If you flip them in groups of 10, there's a good likelihood that at some point they will be all tails or heads, but if you flip them in groups of a million the chance is practically zero. "No chance is ever "practically zero".We exist because a couple of chances you call "practically zero" did happen in a row after all.

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  74. . Your favourite justification appeared to be on the web the simplest factor to take into accout of. I say to you, I definitely get annoyed even as folks think about issues that they just don’t understand about. You managed to hit the nail upon the highest and outlined out the whole thing without having side-effects , other people could take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

  75. Sounds like people are getting out and stirring and checkinig things out after being house bound due to weather and now they are interested to see what they may qualify for in a home and what is available. I think the US is going to see changes this Spring in inventory with Luxury homes later in the summer.It is an long term investors market and great interest rates.

  76. Thanks Sultan – your lucid definition of the origins and state of islam settles a whole lot of issues in my mind, and for that I'm very grateful. And more resolved against this satanic cult. The moon and the sickle and the smiley face – spot the odd one out.Best,Mike

  77. 12-12-12LostÇokBozdu der ki: evet ve günün ilk kendini pohpohlanmasını bekleyen itirafımızda geliyor bir güzel daha bravoo bu tür itiraflara artık hep yorum yapcam hepiniz atletik güzelsiniz tamam anladık bi ben değilim heralde atletik yakışklı felan +2Ağzının Payını Ver

  78. The lack of bargaining beyond the formality of a highball, a lowball, and meeting in the middle indicates everyone was pretty agreeable on a fair price in the first place. I don’t think Charis will have any difficulty marching her armies north, which is good in my opinion. A war in the Raven Lands would only distract from the bigger conflicts and would be over quite soon and simply.

  79. Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

  80. Il ne t’a pas échappé que cette conférence a lieu dans le cadre d’un cercle culturel juif… Et comme tu dois le savoir la question est (maleureusement) récurrente, ne parle-t-on pas du « complot judéo-maçonnique » ! Je t’invite à y assister et tu verras comment je traite ce sujet… Après, ou pendant, tu pourras critiquer le fond et la forme, dans le bon ou le mauvais sens.

  81. Hello, Pio. Thanks for sharing your perspective here. The faith and belief, for me, is a quest, and one that is influenced by many ideas and people. Turning toward the wisdom of non-western practices is one such influence. Star

  82. admin March 2, 2012 Nunc rutrum, augue eu placerat varius, justo nunc placerat lectus, a sodales libero purus vel felis. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Nullam at libero justo, malesuada aliquam lectus?

  83. My example for #1 got parsed, forgot I couldn’t do angle brackets here.So, what context info are you expecting for “recognised system” info in dc:creator – sth. like {recognised_system}:{identifier_within_system}?

  84. I remember when “the place” a.k.a. Pier 49 Pizza closed down. It was surreal, remembering all those Saturday nights spent there with friends. So many memories, but then they went & turned into a store.Good post! FYI Whippersnapper: A young and inexperienced person considered to be presumptuous or overconfident.

  85. Åh! Så vackra bilder du visar i ditt triss. Kanon!Sv: Maten smakade väldigt gott. Ankan också men det var synd att det inte gick att tugga.Vinden har lagt sig ser det ut som, men himlen är grå och liknar en hösthimmel i alla fall.Kram/Gilla

  86. I dont see Pura Tierra on your list…. IMHO your guide cannot be without a review of Pura Tierra. Another couple of places I suggest you visit include…M Buenos AiresSipanOsaka

  87. Terrific work! This is the kind of info that are meant to be shared around the internet. Shame on Google for now not positioning this put up higher! Come on over and visit my site . Thanks =)

  88. I’m curious to find out what blog platform you’re working with? I’m having some minor security issues with my latest website and I would like to find something more safe. Do you have any suggestions?

  89. I think other site owners should take this web site as an model – very clean and magnificent style and design, as well as the content. You’re an expert in this area!

  90. Alos gente. Desde hoy escribo desde Munich, Alemania. Justo antes de tomarme el vuelo para acá, el jueves al mediodía, lo ví a Zeballos, que le hizo un comentario a alguien de que tenía 13 horas de vuelo, pero no sé a dónde.Anyway, complicado el sorteo para los argentinos.

  91. den Klassiker probiert: TV aus, Netzwerk auststöpseln (Wlan oder Kabel), 1 min warten, einschaltenj, Internet@TV starten, ausschalten, Netzwerk einstöpseln, TV einschalten.Viele Grüßeder IT-affine Sven

  92. We are looking for a babysitter. Willing to trade services. We would love to dog sit or provide healthy meals, or other options you might be interested in.Thank you.Christie

  93. Jobs, jobs, jobs! When are you going to stop government contracts from going to the H1B and L1 visa body shops? Why not cancel all work-related visas until the unemployment rate is under 5%? India is abusing these visa categories to get cheap labor and lay off Americans.

  94. Welcome Jan!I’m so glad you joined our ‘tribe’. I still have faith that we’ll actually make that lunch date one day and I’m using my “Jan” scarf tying technique on a regular basis.

  95. A double DVD, on the first disc a compilation of the Warfeild shows & the second disc could have a song from every major festival they performed at. Also a new album would be nice. I love the direction of Mystery Song.

  96. I took 2 courses the first semester after giving birth – then went back full-time afterwards…and this was without working. It was difficult at times due to lack of sleep, but manageable along with the help of family members when I had a lot of school work to do.Good Luck.

  97. Mais pourquoi je ne reçois plus la newsletter ???Je loupe plein de jolies choses, moi !!!Bon, je vais me réinscrire … on verra si ça remarche !Super jolie cette boîte-urne !

  98. Oh, it would be so beautiful, to splash color and wonder all over the world. This is a gorgeous piece, and I love how you hang your art on the wooden fence to dry. Have a great day today… during this beautiful june of ours! roxanne

  99. For example i have used the back cover of goody two-shoes in my introduction on this page. A clear understanding of the agent's role can help you form a strong business partnership with your agent that leads to publication success. By projecting yourself as an "expert" in the genre in which you write, you can open new doors for networking, doors that often remain shut without that expertise status.Also visit my webpage :

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